Deja Vu
by Nina.4444
Summary: The past was supposed to be just that: in the past, behind them. It was there to be learnt from, to be remembered fondly or not. It was not supposed to come back, it was not supposed to claim life again and it was certainly not supposed to repeat itself
1. Chapter 1

_**Deja vu**_

_**Chapter 1:**_

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><p><em>He could feel his hands shaking uncontrollably and no matter how many times he shook them they wouldn't stop. He needed her. She could make them stop, she'd grab them and hold them in hers until the shaking would stop. Where was he? He looked around, craning his head and squinting his eyes to catch a glimpse of a street sign, anything. Nothing. Where was he? He needed to ask her, she always reminded him. A bang in the distance caused him to duck his head down as he gripped the steering wheel and waited to hear the shattering of glass, screams but they never came. He stepped on the accelerator hard as he saw headlights come over the hill behind him. Who was that? Where was he?<em>

_Looking out the window he needed to get out of there. Hide. Find cover. Where was his team. There was no sound of gunfire though at least that was a good sign. But that bang – had it been a bomb? He couldn't see smoke, fire nothing. What was going on? His heart thudded in his chest and he shook his head, confused. He was so confused. Maybe he'd hit his head? It was hurting after all._

_She would make it stop, the banging, the thudding, the blinding lights, the confusion, the pain. She could make it go away. He had to find her. _

_He just had to find her. _

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><p><strong>First chapter – doesn't really tell you a lot but next chapter will be up shortlyy :)<strong>

**Thanks,**

**Nina**

**Oh and please review if you have a second :) Thanks**


	2. Chapter 2

**Deja Vu**

**Chapter 2**

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><p>"Good morning" Callen grinned as two arms slipped around his waist while he was standing at the sink clearing the dishes they had used the night before. He felt the brunettes head loll forward and rest between his shoulder blades and stood only for a moment before turning around.<p>

Kensi Blye first thing in the morning was an adorable sight and Callen grinned as he took in her tired eyes and messy hair.

"Good morning" he said echoing her words. He pulled her further into his arms and kissed her forehead,

"I almost don't want to go back to work" she mumbled into his shirt and Callen grinned, mainly because it was a fact that he had also realised the night before as they were lying in bed. And it had shocked him. For the first time in a very, very long time G Callen hadn't been looking forward to getting back to work and instead wanted the weekend to stretch on. Then again a lot of things had changed since he and Kensi had become a...thing. Whatever it was they were. He didn't really care for labels.

"I'd much rather go back to bed" he said slyly and she laughed quietly.

"We have a murderer to catch Agent Callen" she leaned back letting him support her,

"That we do...but I may need my shirt back first" he said cheekily as his gaze dropped down taking in her small frame that was wrapped in his shirt. She just grinned,

"Right now?" she shot back and Callen raised an eyebrow before his lips curved upwards. He threaded his fingers into hers and she followed him back to the bedroom.

"We can not be late again G Hetty will actually kil-" her words were silenced her as Callen's lips crashed down onto hers effectively clearing her head of anything but him.

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><p><strong>NCISLANCISLA<strong>

"Hey" Kensi said from where she was crouched on the floor,

"Looks like they came through the window, hid there" she continued pointing to the space next to cupboard,

"There's blood on the floor under the cot and on the door handle to the ensuite, we'll need forensics though" she said and Callen nodded,

"Good work" he said appreciatively as he surveyed the trashed room for himself. He had always been impressed with her forensics skills. It was often that the forensics department only confirmed what their own junior agent had said in the first place and the other men had begun to take her word on it rather than wait on the ever slow LA forensics.

"Sam and I are going to head to the factory Eric confirmed that she was there" Kensi nodded snapping one last photo of the crime scene before she stood up turning to him.

"You think she's behind it? And Hetty...by the way, not impressed about this morning, which was your fault!" she said adamantly only for Callen to smirk. She rarely brought up anything about the two of them at work, it had been an agreement they'd made before they'd started...seeing each other.

"I don't necessarily think she did it. I don't think she'll be getting mother of the year any time soon but I'm not sure I'd buy that she was behind the murders. We do need to talk to her though. And Hetty will get over it. Her matchmaker side will win over her boss side she's too much of a romantic for that" Callen said confidently and Kensi just rolled her eyes.

"Not happening again Callen" she said but she was still smiling slightly as she stripped off her gloves. The pair headed outside only to see Deeks and Sam arguing about something as they leaned over the bonnet of Callen's car.

"Say cheese" Kensi said mock cheerfully and the two agents turned suddenly only for Kensi to snap a photo and she laughed as she looked down at the screen,

"Very attractive" she said and was met with two dark glares causing her to laugh. It was then that Kensi's phone rang and she fished it out of her pocket raising it to her ear,

"Kensi Blye" she said into her phone as she turned away still grinning at Sam and Deeks,

"_Hi yes, Miss Blye I'm calling on behalf a patient we have here. He says that you're his emergency contact" _Kensi frowned. As far as she knew the only person's contact she was was Callen's and he was hers at least he had been since a year or so ago. She caught the boys looking towards her questioningly as they saw her expression turn to confusion. She just shrugged before answering the woman,

"_I'm sorry but I think that you might have the wrong person"_ she said,

"_He did say that you haven't seen him for a while"_ Kensi's frown deepened at her words,

"_Okay"_ she said unsure,

"_His name is Jack Holland. He's been..."_ but Kensi didn't hear the rest. All she heard were the names and her body froze, completely.

"Kens?...Kensi!" Kensi flinched as she realised how close Deeks' waving hand was in front of her face. She looked up at her partner only to see Callen and Sam standing just behind him. The same confused and concerned expression graced each of their faces.

"I need to go to the hospital" she said almost at a whisper. Her chest was still pounding and her throat was still tight. She began to walk past them but Callen caught her wrist gently tugging her back to them,

"Kens what's going on?" he asked ducking his head to avoid the sunlight,

"G" she said after a moment and Callen frowned. It was rare that Kensi called him G at work it was always Callen but never G.

"Jack's at the hospital" she said and Callen froze his hand not leaving her arm,

"Jack?" she caught his gaze and he saw the confusion and distress swirling in them.

"Okay lets go" Callen said calmly and Kensi met his eyes again before he nodded comfortingly,

Sam and Deeks followed the pair and they piled into the car each man as confused as the next. _Jack._ They hadn't heard that much about the man, in fact after the Talbot case Kensi hadn't really brought him back up again. Callen and Kensi hadn't talked about it either. Not since the case.

Callen got in the front seat digging out his keys. Deeks watched his partner as she rounded the front of the car and pulled the passenger door open. The drive to the hospital was silent the only noise when Sam called Hetty to let them know what was happening. Kensi spent the journey looking out the window and from his seat behind her Sam could see the clench of Callen's jaw.

Ten minutes later the trio of men stood slightly behind Kensi who spoke to a neatly dressed woman at the reception desk. The woman nodded obviously expecting her,

"Sure Dr Wright asked me to page her when you arrived, one second" the woman who arrived at the desk shortly afterwards smiled at Kensi and gestured her through to a conference room. Before the door shut Kensi looked towards the three and Callen smiled gently at her, knowing what it was that she was asking. He began to walk forward and the three entered the room with her. Once they'd all taken a seat the woman began,

"Miss Blye. I am sure you're wondering why Mr Holland is here" she said kindly and Kensi nodded,

"He says that he was discharged from his service and that he was back for good. I did however want to speak with you first. It appears that Mr Holland has what is called post traumatic stress. I need you to be prepared before -" Kensi frowned the woman's voice fading as an image similar to where they were flickered into her mind. The one of her sitting in another doctor's office where a man in a white coat told her a similar story. A hand on her shoulders dragged her back to the present and she interrupted the doctor,

"Dr Wright Jack..he's been back for about six years. I haven't seen him for about 5 years now. He had PTSD, I suppose he never got better" Kensi finished quietly and took in the momentarily shocked expression on the doctors face,

"Do you have any idea where he's been all this time?" she asked and Kensi shook her head,

"No he left five years ago I haven't seen him since" Kensi said stoically and the boys watched her drag her normal defences up.

"Would you like to see him?" she asked after a minute.

"I'll try and find out where he's been but perhaps seeing you will trigger his memory" Kensi drew in several deep breaths. Did she really want to? Could she? ….She didn't have answers for anything. But she did want to see if he was better. Deep down she knew she wanted to know why he was here and if everything she had done had ever made any difference. And she was angry – she wanted answers. She wanted so much, to know why he left, where he went without so much as a goodbye, a note. She needed to know.

But it was a part of her life, like her fathers death that she had locked up and away pushing it to the back of her mind. Did she really want to open it all up again?

And yet before Kensi's mind even caught up she felt herself nod.

"Okay" she said quietly and she could only hope it would help.

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><p><strong>Chapter 2 :) Hope you liked it. More to come,<strong>

**love to know what you think about it so far.**

**Thankyou for reading,**

**Nina xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Deja Vu**

**Chapter 3**

When Kensi walked into the hospital room where Jack Holland lay Kensi felt all the air being sucked out of her lungs. Her fingernails dug into her palms as she took in the unconscious form of her ex fiance,

"It looks worse than it is" the doctor said kindly,

"He sustained a lot of superficial wounds so lots of bruising and cuts that should heal fine" Kensi nodded dumbly not really taking in her words. He looked like he'd been a fight and lost terribly. He did not look good at all. There were cords and tubes that wound around the bed and for several seconds Kensi's gaze flickered to the machine emitting high pitched beeps.

It wasn't long however before the man began to stir and Kensi, who still hadn't moved, stiffened where she stood. A hand on her shoulder reminded her that her partner along with Sam and Callen were still with her and that fact relieved her slightly. She knew she'd regret it. Not asking them to wait outside or just not asking them to join her. They'd understand they'd get that seeing him again would be something she'd want to do alone. They'd understand and they wouldn't ask questions and they'd be there for her if she needed them. But no. They stood behind her, flanking her on each side at her request.

The doctor looked towards her and gestured her towards the bed. After a second Kensi moved closer to the bed a very bad feeling settling in her stomach. She knew it wasn't a good idea but she kept walking. It took several more minutes for Jack to wake properly. His eyes quickly surveyed the room but he froze when he saw her. He turned his body as much towards her as he could,

"Kens" he rasped and she could hear the pain in his voice. But she didn't move any closer, still several feet away from the bed.

"Kensi" he said again,

"I'm back love, back for good, finally got out" he said but Kensi didn't try and return his small smile. It obviously confused him because he frowned and began to pull himself up,

"Mr Holland please don't get up" Dr Wright said from the other side of the bed but her voice didn't deter the man whose eyes were on Kensi. When he groaned and tried to fling a leg over the side including the bed rail Kensi pushed forward,

"Jack..." her voice was quiet, unsure,

"Jack get back into bed, please" she said trying to shake her head of the thoughts and memories clouding her vision,

"_Hi beautiful" a familiar voice said and Kensi felt a smile stretch over her face. Turning around there he was. She ran for him and his open arms were waiting for her. He enveloped her in them picking her up and spinning her around. _

"_I missed you so much" he whispered into her hair,_

"_God I missed you Kens, I love you" she smiled_

"_I love you too" she said and her eyes welled at seeing the man again. He had no idea how much she had missed him and he never would. She grinned as his fingers found the ring on her finger circling it. It was then his face went pale and his gaze dropped his jaw dropping open..._

"_Jack please. Will you please come back to bed" she wrapped her arms around herself shielding her skin from the cold night air. She stood in their backyard looking down at the man, her fiance. It had been three weeks since he was back and her mind still hadn't caught up. Everything had changed. Everything was different. He was different. He lay under one of the trees in the back yard._

"_Kens?" he looked up,_

"_Come back inside Jack, it's okay, you're not there any more, you're home" she said softly and knelt beside him,_

"_Come inside Jack" she held his hand and he slowly got up. She could see the confusion in his face but she led him back to their bed and pulled him down. Her arms quickly went around him and his around her. _

_"It's okay Jack, everything's okay"_

_But it wasn't, everything was far from okay. _

Kensi shook her head again before she laid a hand on her ex fiance's shoulder.

"Jack don't get out of bed you're hurt"

"There was too much Kens, too much. There were too many of them, I had to make a call, I had to. They found us..I don't know how, we had a traitor Kens. I had to decide. ME" he yelled the last bit and she flinched. She nodded she'd heard the story before so many times.

"_It wasn't supposed to be my job. it wasn't my responsibility! they found us, someone ratted us out Kens there was a traitor. Someone betrayed us Kensi. DAMN IT!" Kensi jumped violently as he picked up the vase from the mantel and threw it into the wall. She watched, unable to move, as the glass shattered skidding in every direction across the room. She looked back to Jack, eyes wide. He met her gaze for a second,_

"_Someone betrayed us. Was it you? Where were you when it happened" she watched his eyes darken as he looked at her and she wondered who he was seeing.  
><em>

"_Jack it's me...Jack it's Kensi" she said shakily. It wasn't the first time he'd worked himself up this much and she was sure it wouldn't be the last. _

It wasn't a voice that broke her out of her thoughts this time but a hand. And Kensi felt her entire body freeze. Her throat tighten and close. Her chest constrict until she couldn't breathe. Her fists clenched around the rail that kept him in. She looked down to see Jack's hand against her stomach. His eyes were on it as well but after a second he looked up,

"Kensi...where?" she couldn't breathe, couldn't move.

"Kensi what happened, where..where's our baby"

"_Hi beautiful" a familiar voice said and Kensi felt a smile stretch over her face. Turning around there he was. She ran for him and his opened arms were waiting for her. He enveloped her in them picking her up and spinning her around. _

"_I missed you so much" he whispered into her hair,_

"_God I missed you Kens, I love you" she smiled_

"_I love you too" she said and her eyes welled at seeing the man again. He had no idea how much she had missed him and he never would. She grinned as his fingers found the ring on her finger circling it. It was then his face went pale and his gaze dropped his jaw dropping open. _

"_Are you...? Kensi" he breathed and she couldn't stop a smile spreading on her face. She watched moisture well in his eyes,_

"_Are we... are you ..."_

"_Pregnant" she finished for him and nodded slowly,_

"_We're pregnant Jack, we're having a baby" Kensi said and it was several seconds before Jack managed to close his jaw and instead his eyes lit up and a smile stretched over his lips. _

"_We're having a baby?" he repeated and when she nodded he picked her back up and spun her around again before his lips crashed down on hers. _

"_We're having a baby!" He said louder,_

"_I'm going to be a Dad!" he exclaimed and she buried her head into his shoulder embarrassed as people around them, his servicemen, the others who'd been discharged began to cheer loudly._

"Miss Blye" Kensi's gaze snapped up to meet the doctors' who watched her with concern. Kensi swallowed and closed her eyes for a moment before she looked back at Jack and pulled his hand away from her,

"Jack how did you get here?" she asked slowly keeping his gaze,

"Here...I was flown Kens...I'm back why aren't you happy" he was becoming distressed she knew it before anybody else did and she nodded to Dr Wright who moved back several steps.

"Jack" she said calmly but he didn't look at her instead he began to shake the sides of the beds.

"Jack" she called slightly louder.

"I am happy, okay, I'm happy I just want to know why you're back so early" she tried forcing a smile onto her face.

"SOMEONE BETRAYED US KENSI" he yelled and his eyes lost their normal spark as something else inside of him took over again,

"I know" she said,

"I know Jack" she repeated but before she could say anything else the doctor moved forward,

"Jack I need you to think back, I need you to remember how you got here it wasn't in the plane. You've been here for a while" Kensi's eyes widened and she shook her head at the doctor. She knew that confusing him was not going to help. She'd had enough time to learn, enough time, enough practice to learn exactly what to do and what not to do.

Before anyone could move Jack's hand shot out and circled the woman's wrist. Kensi moved forward as the woman struggled and leaned over the bed,

"Jack let go" she said firmly but he was a million miles away. She rounded the end of the bed and shook her head to the boys who started forward. Why had she asked them to come with her? She should have known he wouldn't have changed, she should have known it wouldn't have gone well. She gripped his wrist and met his gaze,

"Let go now" she said forcefully and he did automatically,

"Kensi" he breathed,

"Kensi I'm sorry, Kens I'm sorry" the doctor moved back massaging her wrist and Kensi leant against the bed rail,

"I'm sorry Kens" he said one last time and she nodded,

"I know" she whispered.

"_I'm sorry Kens" Kensi nodded wide eyed as she looked down at the shards of glass around the room sparkling in the sunlight that flooded through the kitchen window._

"_I'm sorry Kens, I'm so sorry" he whispered as he held her in his arms and she tried to block out the sounds of his yells. _

"_I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to" he said and she could see the regret on his face as she inspected the hole in her wall._

_"Kens I am so sorry. I'm sorry. I know I should have called" he said as she stood in the hospital doorway an exhausted mess after searching for her lost fiance for six hours straight._

_It was her now that lay in the hospital bed. She felt the tears running down her face, how did she have any left? _

"_Kensi" he whispered,_

"_I'm so sorry love, I'm so so sorry"_

"_I'm sorry" _

_He was always sorry. Always. Every time. Every time he would tell her how sorry he was. How bad he felt, how guilty he was. Every day he would tell her that he was getting better. That things were going to be normal again. That he was getting better. _

_But he just kept being sorry._

_And after a while Jack would stop being sorry. He would stop apologising, stop telling her how bad he felt, how guilty he was and he would lose hope in himself. _

_But she...she would never give up. Not on him, not on their family. As broken as it was. She could fix it, she could fix him. _

**Chapter 3 – hope you liked it :) **

**Love a review :) **

**Nina xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Deja Vu**

**Chapter 4**

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><p>Kensi pulled the door closed quietly and looked up at the three men and one woman who stood before her. She avoided her team mates' eyes. She didn't want to see them now, didn't want to see the questions or the pity or the anger, anything; she didn't want to face it. Instead she looked towards the doctor,<p>

"I'll stay with him tonight… he isn't good at night" she said quietly and the doctor nodded smiling gratefully at Kensi,

"I haven't been able to find the doctor he was seeing before hand but I'll keep looking, you know where I am call me if you need anything or ask the nurses to page me" she said before turning after Kensi thanked her. As the doctor left an almost uncomfortable silence settled over the agents but not another minute passed before Sam stepped towards her wrapping his arms around her and held on for several moments before stepping back and planting a quick kiss on her forehead.

"I'll see you tomorrow yeah?" he asked and she nodded trying to push down the emotion that was building up within her. Unfortunately her partner didn't help that process when he copied Sam's actions embracing her tightly.

"You good partner?" he asked and she could feel his breath behind her ear. She nodded against his chest before he too pulled back and she forced a smile on her lips before looking up at him. His face screwed up and he raised his hand catching her chin between his fingers before shaking his head,

"Can't lie to me fern" he said with a smile and she rolled her eyes at his contradiction and nickname, swatting his hand away. Out of the corner of her eye she watched as Sam nodded to Callen before he nudged Deeks and the latter threw her a smile that she returned more fully this time before turning towards the elevator with Sam. She had always marvelled how well Callen and Sam could communicate without words; there always seemed to be many, many words between her and Deeks; and a few good hearted punches.

"You ring me if you need me okay, I can be here in five" Callen said gently and she peered up at him for a minute before walking into his arms that he held out slightly,

"Thanks G, really" she whispered into his shoulder,

"You should stay at mine okay?" she said when they pulled back, Callen's hands settling on her waist,

"Just don't touch my underwear drawer" Callen smirked making Kensi laugh and for a moment she felt the day wash over her,

"You sure you want to stay?" Callen asked pulling back slightly so his eyes could find hers. She simply nodded knowing that she didn't have to say anything else and not entirely sure she could. His lips pressed against her forehead as he pulled her back to him. She reached up a moment later giving him a proper kiss.

"Thanks" she said again,

"No need, you call me if you need me" he said repeating the first thing he had said and she smiled this time before nodding.

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><p>That evening and night that was to follow was long and tiring. As she had expected Deeks' had called once and Callen twice along with a text. She had assured them both that everything was alright and though they had both called her out on her blatant lie she had manage to reassure Deeks and stop Callen from heading for the hospital to keep her company, offering at the least to bring her something to eat and some coffee. Kensi stood her eyes running over Jack's calm face. At least for now it was.<p>

She let the empty cardboard coffee cup, which the nurse had brought to her almost an hour ago, drop into the bin. She had briefly considered calling Callen back to take him up on his offer with the first sip thinking the cardboard might actually taste better than the liquid inside. She quickly shot down the idea however knowing that she wasn't ready to let Callen see her ex-fiance in the throes of a hallucination or a panic attack. Callen knew about her relationship, the whole team did, but the subject had been dropped after the case those many months ago and she had never been really willing to bring it back up, not with Nate or Hetty, not with Deeks or Callen or anyone else. The whole subject was vaulted away within her and she took a deep breath knowing that there would be questions now, more than ever. And questions that she couldn't avoid, could simply brush off.

"Kensi" the agent in question jumped violently before swivelling around cursing herself that she hadn't noticed Jack waking.

"Hey how are you feeling?" she asked tentatively as she walked back towards the bed. He shrugged before smiling up at her,

"I missed you Kens" he said tenderly while reaching his hand out to her. Kensi bit back her sigh before letting him envelope her smaller hand in his. He had woken up several times during the night and not once was he yet to realise he wasn't fresh back from the war. He still thought it was six years ago. How could one person simply forget six years of their life? She frowned wondering what they'd been like for him. Six years was a long time and she'd always hoped in the back of her heart that he'd managed to find help. To find someone who could offer him the help that he needed. She always hoped that Jack had managed to land on his feet but looking over him it was difficult to believe that he had.

"Baby" his voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she looked up at him again forcing a large smile onto her face. After all she was a professional and if faking this meant a calm, peaceful Jack she could deal with that; as wrong as it still felt.

"I can't believe I'm finally home I missed you so, so much" it was for the first time however that Jack's eyes found her left hand, her finger, her empty finger.

"Kens?" he asked frowning,

"I just took it off this afternoon, doing the dishes, I got the call saying you were home and I didn't even think" he smiled at her words,

"I love you Kens" she smiled weakly but gulped unsure of how to avoid repeating empty words back to her ex-fiance. When a spark of panic flitted into his eyes her choice was made for her,

"I love you too Jack, you should try and get some more sleep" she said quietly feeling the guilt well in her stomach. Jack stole her attention a moment later however when he patted the mattress beside him. Kensi, knowing what he wanted, shook her head,

"No Jack you're too injured besides if the nurses walked in and caught me they'd probably kick me out" she said quickly and he frowned before nodding tiredly.

"Kensi are you?...Are we?" she focused on his stuttered words and watched his wide eyes flickering between her face and her stomach. He'd asked about the baby twice more since waking up the first time and every time he did the unbearable pain her chest would erupt all over again forcing her to push back the tears that she had not let fall for so many years. She knew this time though, she couldn't just let him pretend. She couldn't pretend they were six years in the past. She couldn't and wouldn't pretend that she was pregnant again. Not here, not with him. Kensi inwardly sighed, _it wasn't his fault. _

"Jack do you remember what happened?" she asked hoping to distract him. Thankfully with him being in such a skittish, confused state anyway he didn't hold onto one train of thought for long anyway.

"We were betrayed Kens, someone was working for them, no one had any idea and I …I had to. I didn't want to Kens. All I wanted was to come home to you …you and the baby" he said and then his eyes floated downwards and his eyes lit up as if realising what he had said,

"The baby Kensi! We're gonna be parents" he exclaimed and Kensi sighed feeling the exhaustion weigh her down even a little bit more,

"Jack go to sleep, I'm here" she said squeezing his hand slightly. He nodded and gripped her hand in his leaving her to uncomfortably position herself on the chair beside the bed.

It took almost another hour for him to settle, before sleep claimed his frazzled mind once again and only when Kensi could hear his even, slow breaths did she carefully remove her hand from his slumping back in the chair, her heart heavy. She stayed for another three, soothing him when his nightmares overtook his unconscious mind. By the time Kensi left the hospital, taking a deep breath as she shrugged her jacket over her shoulders, the shadows had begun to fade as morning approached.

Her hands began to shake and the nausea seemed to boil up her windpipe as she clumsily searched the bottom of her bag for her car keys. As she glanced upwards several minutes later to use the rear view mirror Kensi stopped as she caught sight of herself.

Her skin was pale and sickly looking and the dark bags under her swollen, reddened eyes did nothing to help her situation. A powerful yawn stretched her jaw wide open as the sleep deprivation set in and the pain in her stomach which was in desperate need of food seared.

Sleep. She just needed to sleep.

**Hey guys I've been away for absolute ever!. Sorry to all of you who have been waiting on an update, life's been pretty crazy lately,**

**But I really hope you like this and there's definitely more to come!**

**Nina xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Déjà vu**

**Chapter 5**

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><p>Kensi suppressed a yawn as she climbed out of her car and headed for the front door. Callen's car was parked outside the house on the footpath and her footsteps quickened wanting to see him, while her mind hesitated just slightly. She wondered what had gone through his mind when she had told them that she was going to stay with Jack. She didn't want him to get any ideas right now but she couldn't just leave. She couldn't leave Jack while he was like this and she could only hope that Callen could understand that.<p>

Kensi ran a hand over her face as her jaw stretched open once again to yawn for a second time while her stomach flipped as she unlocked the door and headed inside. Her eyes quickly found her bag which sat on the floor in the entrance to the lounge next to Callen's, which he must have picked up, and she couldn't stop the small smile that she found growing on her lips.

When she moved into the living room however her smile widened further and she shook her head at the picture she was met with. In front of her G Callen opened his eyes letting his head stretch upwards to look at her. He sent a small smile towards her and Kensi felt a wave of relief wash through her and quietly moved towards him,

"What are you doing here?" she asked softly,

"You said I could sleep here?" he said questioningly a slight frown creasing his brow and she nodded, smiling, as she came to a stop in front of him. Callen sat up throwing his legs off the couch and the blanket that had been draped over him was dragged with him.

"Yeah, I meant here on the couch when there's a perfectly good bed just down the hall" she muttered sarcastically and the small, crooked smile that never failed to make her heart skip a beat, though she'd never admit it, played on his lips. He shrugged before replying,

"Didn't want to sleep there without you" he said simply and she felt her smile widening at his words even though she rolled her eyes for show. He didn't tell her that he had indeed gotten into the bed and not long after climbed out again. He hadn't slept in a bed for a long time, not since he began staying at Kensi's and she would always be somehow wrapped around him. He wasn't used to sleeping in a bed and somewhere along the line, without him noticing, he became not used to sleeping alone. The thought both scared and warmed him.

"So how's Jack going?" Callen asked quietly and Kensi could hear his hesitance,

"He's o…" she stopped herself not being able to lie, not to him, she'd spent most of the day and all night lying. He nodded encouragingly and reached to hold her hands, his thumb stroking the side of her hand soothingly,

"He's nearly back to where he was when he came back the first time" she said quietly and she let him gently tug her to the couch and down beside him. She rested her back against the arm of the chair while she folded her legs over his lap. She lay her head on his chest finding that one place where she could clearly hear his steady heartbeat before she spoke again. One of his arms wrapped around her back, his hand coming to rest on her side while his other hand lay on her calf his fingers gently caressing the denim covered skin.

"He was much worse last time but he got a lot better than he is now" Callen nodded listening to her breathing slowly steady out,

"You look exhausted have you had any sleep?" he asked, running a hand through her hair, and this time she could hear the concern laced in his words. She simply shook her head as a yawn overtook her again. Several moments later she looked up at him,

"Want to go to bed?" she asked and for a moment she held her breath, for a fleeting, uneasy second she thought that he would say no. She'd waited for him to hesitate, to push her away. When he smiled, however, she felt relief wash over her. Her body swiveled as he got up, untangling them and he weaved their fingers together pulling her up with him. As he did she was drawn flush against him and he didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around her. She took the moment to let him be strong for her. She needed it, if only for a minute; she was tired. When they drew back after a moment their lips were inches apart and Kensi was the first to move, standing on her tip toes using his shoulders to lever herself up a little and Callen met her half way joining their lips.

Not long after they were in her bed, her back flush against his chest and his arms securely around her. She let the warmth surround her feeling a wonderful sense of peace and comfort flow through her that she hadn't felt in a very long time. They lay in an easy and content silence the darkness washing over them; he pressed his lips to the back of her neck before he spoke again several minutes later,

"Hey Kens" she could feel his hot breath on her neck as he whispered,

"mmm"

"You know that if you ever want to talk, about anything. I'm right here" he said and he tightened his hold on her with his last words. She swallowed the lump in her throat knowing exactly what it was that he had been referring to. She wondered when it would come up and she didn't know if she was ready for it to happen yet or not.

"The baby?" she guessed and her voice was so quiet that had Callen been any further away he would not have caught it. But his lips moved in confirmation against her neck hoping to sooth her as he felt her body tense up slightly,

"You don't have to tell me anything Kens but I just want you know that I'm here, if you want to talk or whatever. You know I'm here" with his words she pushed herself back against him even further and he wrapped his arms even tighter around her. She felt peaceful there like nothing could happen. Like everything that was happening was ten million miles away. Like everything would be fine.

"I know" she whispered.

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><p><strong>Review Please! Hope you liked it!<strong>

**Nina,**

**xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Déjà vu**

**Chapter 6**

_The sparkle caught her eye as the stone that was encrusted into the slim band of gold caught the sunlight that beamed through the window and her gaze was drawn to her left hand. Over eight months had passed since the ring had slid onto her finger yet she still couldn't help the small smile that played on her lips as she ran a finger over it. A sigh slipped from her upturned lips however contradicting their shape and piercing the silence as she closed her eyes letting her head fall against the wall behind her. Her head wast throbbing and her jaw ached – a result from watching over him throughout the night, eyes open and jaw tightly clenched riddled with anxiety. _

_He'd been fine through dinner, standing beside her while they cooked together, laughing throughout it before they'd sat down together to eat. After curling up and flipping through channels it had been a relatively normal night, so normal in fact that Kensi had to remind herself that something had in fact changed. Remind herself to stay aware of what was happening, of where he was, of how he was. Of what he could do._

Kensi woke to darkness. As her eyes flickered open she could only barely make out shapes around her and she sighed inaudibly, wondering for a moment of the time, as she snuggled back down into the warmth that surrounded her.

"Good morning" his hot breath was on her neck and she pushed her body back into him further allowing the feel of him to envelope her further. His legs were tangled with hers, the weight of his leg over one of hers weighed her down, and his arms around her centre kept the worries at bay.

"What's time" her lips barely moved around the words and her eyes refused to open but her lips curved upwards slightly at the feel of his lips on the back of her neck,

"About eight" she tensed at his words but his answer came before she could question him,

"I've made an executive decision to have a late start" he said mischief in his words and she couldn't help but smile into the darkness. Her hand ran along his forearms before she turned in his hold. Her free leg moved up to wrap over his hip and she arched her neck to peer up at him,

"I didn't realise that was part of the senior agent in charge's job description" she countered with a grin. Callen lips tugged upwards and he leant down without an answer to meet hers. Her words were consumed by his kiss but he still heard her,

"Thank you" It wasn't for several more moment once they'd pulled apart barely separating that he replied,

"For what?" his eyes were concerned, she didn't find pity, just concern and love which she was thankful for, then again she knew that Callen had just as much contempt for pity as she did, and she'd never gotten it from him before.

"Just being here" she slumped her head forward against his head while brushing a kiss on the underside of his jaw. His lips descended on her forehead before they allowed themselves to relax into the peaceful warm darkness once again.

_Jack's hands wrapped around her middle and her entire body tensed. She felt her skin rise and her muscles contract ready to act. He pulled away harshly. _

"_Kensi I'm …" she frowned in regret as she realised what she had done. _

"_No, no….no Jack I'm sorry I shouldn't have…..it's okay, I didn't mean….." she had turned to face him, and wrapped an arm over his body pulling herself closer to the man that looked at her as if he'd killed her goldfish. Regret, remorse, guilt, shame. It was all right there, as clear as day to her. She felt a sick feeling wash over her. She didn't want him to feel that, she hadn't wanted to cause him to feel that. He didn't deserve it. _

"_No it was me who did that, you have a right to …" he trailed off unable to finish his sentence and she was unsure if it was because he couldn't or didn't want to. Still his fingerprints stained the bronze skin of her wrist, a bracelet of marks that would fade with time. It would all fade with time. She could only hope. _

"Do you want some time off Kens?" his voice was gentle, tugging her back into the present. And she took a moment before replying, her mind helplessly turning to the picture of her ex-fiance battered and bruised in a hospital bed, a sight she had seen too many times.

"I think I should go and see him if that's okay but I'll come to work after I've been at the hospital" she posed her question with a double meaning and didn't look up at him. She asked if it was okay by him as the team leader but more so as the man who was the one that lay beside her in bed each night.

"Of course Kens. And you know if you want company I'll come with you or I can send Deeks over….or Nate" she smiled against his chest and raised a hand to run her fingers over the slight stubble on his jaw. She had no words but the gratefulness that was spreading through her body was too much and she leant forward to press her lips to his once more.

A loud shrill ring echoed through the room and she groaned causing Callen to laugh before he pulled away. He pulled the hand that had crept beneath her shirt, that was laying against her warm skin, and reached behind him to blindly find her phone on the bedside table. When she made no effort to untangle herself and answer it he grinned before simply pressing the answer button and holding it against the side of her face.

He was close enough to hear each word that came from the device…the words that sat between them, both undecided as to what they meant. Meant for them and for the future.

"Miss Blye we were wondering if possible you'd be able to come into the hospital this morning"

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><p><strong>Quick update guys, hope you like, working out where this is all going now. Please review!<strong>


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